I honestly am blessed that I have the bros that I have. I never ever opened myself to you guys because I always feel that I’m just gonna be a  burden. But last night we had that emotional talk on the balcony I really am thankful that I have you guys in my life. You guys are the reason why I stay alive. I needed that bro talk and even though I was drunk off my mind  I remembered the conversation. I love you guys to death and I honestly wish I wasn’t financially unstable so that I can spend more time and do more for you guys.

The Earth-Shatteringly Amazing Speech That’ll Change The Way You Think About Adulthood

Truth.

The past few days have been emotional, too emotional.. the conversation that i had with my father this morning just keeps on replaying over and over again in my head & it brings tears to my eyes each time. & I know big boys aren’t supposed to cry.. but for everything that’ I’ve bottled up inside it’s all overflowing & i just can’t even pull myself together. funny how i need some alone time when i’m already feeling alone.

it’s tough looking at my phone and seeing that it’s my dad calling.. but i’m no longer answering his calls.

every time i look at my mother right now i cry a little inside because i know how much she’s suffering because of me. 

“I’m sorry.”

The one thing I don’t say to my mother enough. “I’m sorry”. It’s all she ever wanted to hear but I never could gather the courage to even say that to her. 

how can a father be so selfish towards his own kid?

I’ve never gone to my dad for any help financially or for anything. He was never a father figure to me. From the time I was little through all the years i’ve grown up it was always my mother who was there to help me. She taught me everything I know & helped me back on my feet again. My father did absolutely nothing for me.

The one time I actually go to him for help .. today he completely turned it down and told me i’m on my own. My mother told me that I should live my life without even bringing up his name or even talking about him ever, live my life like I never even had a father. He would rather spend all his money on his friends than to help his own child who’s in desperate need of help.I cried my eyes out begging him. My mom came in my room and yelled at me for even going to him for help. I already knew he wasn’t going to help me but for some reason I had HOPE… hope that he’d help me. I know I shouldn’t drop the love i have for my father.. but it makes me question myself.. what love do I have left to even give to my father after all these years that he wasn’t there for? In front of his friends he tells them he helps me out.. but behind close doors the truth is he’s a complete piece of lying shit. 

I honestly thought I lost both my parents today. But no matter what mistakes I’ve done, how bad of a son I am to my mom.. she’ll yell and rant it all out saying whatever is on her mind to me but she’ll come around and show the love i need from a parent. This is why my mother is so strong. She’ll hate me so much to the point where she doesn’t even want to look at me or say a single word to me but she’ll still show what a mother should do. 

I’m sorry.

chest pains every time i cough… i think i know where this is going..

LOL just finished painting mommaduke’s toe nails again but this time with a design & I’ve NEVER done any designs before & we both were just laughing at my oh so amazing masterpiece haha  good times =p

i actually miss holding a bunch of girls hands and nailing them every day =[